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Towels. I understand it all starting with towels. I happen to pick up the book this morning called *unglued* by lysa Terkerurst. This is my first quiet time in the morning in MONTHS... which naturally feels like a lifetime.
Back to towels: I woke up at 5:30 a.m. realizing I let my child's friend come inside and see her room. And her sisters room. Both of which are at the far in of the house, so they had to walk through the whole house to get to. I also dropped my child off with said child's mom earlier in the day and had the opportunity to show off the trash collection inside my vehicle... so here I am, at 6am, wondering when my child will be made fun of first. This will be new for her. My house is a disaster right now. It also has some interesting smells. I'm so overwhelmed I am just happy with myself when I get the dishes caught up with and that only seems possible with my husband's help. I have a replica of the leaning tower of Pisa going on in my hallway except it's made out of .... yep... you guess it.... towels. My venting about a mess is not frivolous. It's not some put together stay at home mom who makes sure her house is at least nice and clean... no. My husband will stand by me in saying that our house does not know clean. Once I get the floors done my dog pees for some unknown reason. When I get dinner done my youngest daughter has spilled all of her Kinnect sand or covered herself in some kind of paint. When they finally get in bed I am excited I just got through a whole book for one occasionally both of them. After my youngest gets up at least 5 times and threats are thrown, I pass. Out. I am so exhausted from what looks like a lot of deflecting and procrastination and trying to think clearly. I don't know how these other moms do it. How do you keep up with it all? And even the moms who's houses are not so clean, the rest is done. Their kids are taught or their work is done. I am supposed to do both of those but when everyone is gone some days I just sit.. and try to breathe. Because the moment we wake up until the moment one of them falls asleep I feel like I'm drowning. And I love my kids. Serously. I think they are the coolest people ever. But because of this towel thing I am likely to stress. And worry. Mostly for my child's sake... I knew the day would come.... her friends would find out she doesn't live like them. She doesn't have the cool toys or wide open space and now I didn't even have the little bit here even together. So when she goes back to school after winter break does it begin? And it's my fault for not keeping up with our own stuff. Why did I let it all go? Why am I not making this a priority. So for days I will worry about these towels-the worst sore spot- and let the anxiety build- and be tense with my husband and kids. And eventually become unglued. And no one will know why. Except me. Because those towels have been staring me in the face for days and I didn't move them. I didn't simply put them in the wash.
Well not today. I won't let this Control me. I am pretty sure I can't let this go. But I can focus on trying. This isn't the end all, be all of my life. As a mom - my most important job is to love my kids - and teach them that Jesus loves them.
If only it were as simple as it sounds...


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