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Whole

If you follow this blog, You've seen a title like that many times. Or, if I am mistaken, I have written a blog with a title like that, and not published it. I did a whole27 a year ago and blogged the whole way through, without publishing a single day.

I have gotten off track many many times in this 4 year journey. Ever since the birth of my youngest daughter weight and healthy mediums have been a challenge for me. I looked in the mirror multiple times since I had her and thought "Who is this?" My body changed immensely, ironically, so did my eating habits. They were my comfort. I quit smoking when I learned I was pregnant with her, and my go to for all my comforts was sugar. It didn't hurt that the only food that didn't make me throw up were candy bars. So all chocolate was like a big fuzzy hug to me for having a hard time... which was constantly. I carried on this "habit" after her birth, and have been battling with it ever since. The food plan that works best with my body, I have found, is a paleo-based food diet. The word diet here does not mean a temporary means to loose weight. I mean a completely lifestyle change for long term health.

I am working on turning to God instead of food.

Admitting to myself that I would rather go open a chocolate bar when I feel like crying instead of bowing my head and praying or cracking open my bible is hard. But it's what I have defaulted to. In the past it was other things, and thank God I don't run to those things in my past anymore, but it's time to correct my habits because putting anything in front of my walk to God is detrimental to my relationship with Him.

On top of that, my purpose of fueling my body in the best way possible and treating the mind soul and body how it functions best is super important to me in my walk with God. My approach in this current stand still journey is to not let my battle with food overwhelm my need for Christ. No more excuses for why God would not care if I had a candy bar or why I want to down a tub of ice cream before bed because I'm stressed.. I am working on devotionals and bible reading before bed instead of searching the cabinets for sweets... I am working on praying instead of reaching for the nearest junk food when I am stressed or sad... It's a process, and I am only keeping above water due to God's grace. I am in complete realization of this.
I hope to be more productive and focused on my journey for Him... Instead of focusing on the cake in front of me, thinking of how I can serve Christ well..

Along this journey I am reading  Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. I love her perspective on this issue, and although I've never been a "big girl", my eating and exercise habits directly effect my functionality in every day life as it does us all, but also my depression and anxiety and self esteem issues that desperately need help in order to serve God well...

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