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New Year

To start this year I have had many goals. General goals. I don't believe in new years resolutions. 

I make goals regularly, but I have a hard time following through, as I loose heart in myself easily. I feel guilty working on myself, bettering myself, or taking time for myself. My determination this time is to stick with it all. Knowing I will have plenty of setbacks but trucking through regardless.
These setbacks have already started for me. It's only January 8th but I feel it is much further into the year, the season, life... I feel like the holidays started months ago and still haven't ended. I feel as though I will not drop a thing. I will go anywhere anyone calls and never say no. I will not slow down. I will not stop. to listen. to breathe. to really hear. see. think. 

I have been sick since after Christmas. A sinus infection I just can't seem to kick. I know I'm worn. I know I feel the pressures of life and I'm not forcing it off my back. I know I'm letting myself be weighed down by it all and that I don't have to.
I know.
I have a whole sheet of goals and general habits I'd like to change.
My eating. my work outs. My mental knowledge, my entertainment value, my sleep, my work ethic... have ALL taken. a. hit.
But I'm getting up and hitting back now.
First: With God. I need my heart fully in the Word before I can get right anywhere else. I need my thoughts and my mind right with God and how HE feels about me before I can change. And I will change. There's so much to change. but that's the beauty, you know? We always have the ability to change and we always have things to change. because we are imperfect creatures just NEEDING our God. Well, I'm here. no longer opening my mouth so that I can be heard, but longing to hear your voice, God. No boasting. No pride. and nothing before You.

This is how I am beginning this. With God at the center.


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