Skip to main content

New Year



To start this year I have had many goals. General goals. I don't believe in new years resolutions. 


I make goals regularly, but I have a hard time following through, as I loose heart in myself easily. I feel guilty working on myself, bettering myself, or taking time for myself. My determination this time is to stick with it all. Knowing I will have plenty of setbacks but trucking through regardless.
These setbacks have already started for me. It's only January 8th but I feel it is much further into the year, the season, life... I feel like the holidays started months ago and still haven't ended. I feel as though I will not drop a thing. I will go anywhere anyone calls and never say no. I will not slow down. I will not stop. to listen. to breathe. to really hear. see. think. 



I have been sick since after Christmas. A sinus infection I just can't seem to kick. I know I'm worn. I know I feel the pressures of life and I'm not forcing it off my back. I know I'm letting myself be weighed down by it all and that I don't have to.
I know.
I have a whole sheet of goals and general habits I'd like to change.
My eating. my work outs. My mental knowledge, my entertainment value, my sleep, my work ethic... have ALL taken. a. hit.
But I'm getting up and hitting back now.
First: With God. I need my heart fully in the Word before I can get right anywhere else. I need my thoughts and my mind right with God and how HE feels about me before I can change. And I will change. There's so much to change. but that's the beauty, you know? We always have the ability to change and we always have things to change. because we are imperfect creatures just NEEDING our God. Well, I'm here. no longer opening my mouth so that I can be heard, but longing to hear your voice, God. No boasting. No pride. and nothing before You.

This is how I am beginning this. With God at the center.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Just another story.

I have been told telling my story will help.. people. I don't see how that is the case but I figure there is some reason I have dealt with the things that I have. So I'll start out simple.


Anxiety.


Crippling. Suffocating. Like a straight jacket warn under water.


Sounds so dramatic. So exaggerated. But it's so real. There's a quote that describes it perfectly "You don't need water to feel like you're drowning, do you?" no. I don't.


I've always had anxiety. for as long as I remember. After I had my youngest child it got significantly worse. It was no longer a panic attack that I would get over once I figured out or was proven everything would be okay. It was tightness in my chest all night and I didn't know why. It was someone is going to get sick and I know that will kill us all. It was sleeping in his room every night for months. It was waking up every few hours to check his breathing. It was my daughter has a sore tooth it's all goi…

society is an asshole.

Guys. I've never been much of a blogger on facts. I've never been a blogger that's great at  being consistent.. In fact I seem to get passionate or be "set off" by generally the same things throughout the years, so I tend to avoid blogging, to be honest. But guys... girls.... general population: THIS needs to be said.




I am not sorry for being who I am. You should not be either.






Reads simply, right? It is a very common and popular perspective in the internet world these days. It should be. But as much as we write it. say it. hear it. read it.... it's still seems to be a struggle. WHY? .... society, guys. Society is an asshole. Media WANTS us to not be okay with our bodies. The retail world wants us to go into debt being unsatisfied with what we already have. This society has been set up to make us unsatisfied unless we consume, consume, consume, need, need, need, and hate ourselves, our personalities, our bodies. because that means we are constantly trying to …

Fear is a liar.

fear
ˈfir/ noun 1.  an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. "drivers are threatening to quit their jobs in fear after a cabby's murder" synonyms:terrorfright, fearfulness, horroralarmpanicagitationtrepidationdreadconsternationdismaydistress Fear is necessary. It keeps us safe. It helps us think logically about decisions we need to make. But it can also go too far sometimes, or in my case, fear is generally the enemy.


Okay, so you know how fear kind of like nudges you every once in a while and whispers that something is WRONG? and that you need that fear to stay away from unhealthy, downright dangerous things? I had that. About almost everything. My whisper became so loud, I could not hear anything else. It roared instead of tiptoed, it was terror in the face of light, fear in the place of a smile. Nothing was okay and no one could fix it.  For months straight I prayed, I cried, I …